So *that's* what a bad side effect from a psychotropic drug looks like!

Hi there! Yeah, I think it's been a year. How are you? You look great. Me? Thanks, but not really, I'm about the same weight I've always been. I keep trying to cut down on the coca cola, but you know how that goes. If it's a choice between the coke and the smoking, coke is better for you. And no, diet coke gives me headaches.

Yeah, I just came in here to tell you about today. One of the more frightening days I've had as a mom, actually. The daughter is 10 now, in the magnet gifted school, and the son is 6, in the local school. Things got really bad at the end of last year, and didn't get better this year, so the parent who is not me finally realized that medication had to be an option.

And had the balls to tell me at one point "I was never anti-medication." But that's not what this is about today. (Oh, but I could go on about the shifting reality, if I had the time & energy.)

Son is on a SSRI for depression and an ADD medication, both of which are doing really well for him. He's had very few side effects. Daughter started a couple of weeks ago on an ADD med, which is working well, and the doctor wanted to add a medication that has helped Aspie/Autistic kids with rages & anger control.

She had her first dose before bed last night--a very small dose, .5 mg. Later, I came to turn off her light & say goodnight, as I always do after she has her reading time. She got really angry with me, when the report from Other Parent was that she had not been angry all week. She never gets that angry at lights out. Sure, she whines for 5 more minutes, but she's also putting the book down while she does it. Last night she was whining with slurred speech. Drowsiness is a known side effect of this drug, and to be honest, it was one I'd really looked forward to for her, since sleep is hard. But she didn't really sleep. She tossed and turned, so much that I thought she was still awake. I did wake her up at one point, because I thought she was having nightmares, and again, her speech was slurred.

This morning she was drowsy and not as responsive. She got up and was doing stuff, but much more isolated. The son got in trouble for messing with stuff that wasn't his after being told not to, and she got really agitated when she didn't know what was going on. She was complaining of being tired. Then I told her to come down out of the loft and pick up some of the trash in her room. She went ballistic, hysterical. I know that some of you who have heard or seen her in "feral cat" mode might be thinking that she has sounded hysterical in the past, but this was Different.

I was waiting for her head to spin around and the green puke. I was pretty sure she was going to injure herself. The Other Parent was on his way over to get the son for his overnight camping, and I was pretty sure that we were going to be going to the hospital. She was in her, and kicked the ceiling.

There's a hole in the ceiling now.

After she calmed down--because once the rage stopped, she got scared and hysterical again because this was Not Her--she lay down on my lap and I stroked her hair. We talked about how this drug was one that we had hoped would help, but it wasn't, it was making it worse. She cried. I could see as the day went on ways that the ADD med was helping, things that the Other Parent had mentioned from last week.

She's back asleep now, a more restful sleep than last night. We have been so fortunate in the meds prescribed for the kids--this can be such a shot in the dark process, and of the 4 prescriptions, three have been spot on. This one was a miss, but on the bright side, it was not a close or subtle miss. It was right there in giant letters like Surrender Dorothy.

I am glad she is safe and well and sleeping here. I hope the son is doing well on his camping. I hope the Other Parent is enjoying it too. (And I am glad I am not there, since I do not like to camp.)

For my sister, who is such a hypocrite.

Since my sister pointed it out on Facebook, I have to blog now. Or at least do a post-mortem on the online dating thing.

All my dates?

Went away.

The End.

Okay, no not really. But ShortGuy, aka PianoGuy, decided I was too in love with him for him to string me along like that. This might have been painful, except that I wasn't.

Fabio. . .well, my feelings were hurt by him. Two weeks out, and my feelings still are a bit bruised. As is my ego. I really did like him, and what's worse, I believed the "we'll be friends" line as well. (I know, you'd think I would loan out my Dar Williams CD to a short guy, or give a bum pretending to be a parking attendant $5 only to watch him run. . .but I am far too smart for either of those things.)

The ego. It does have some bruises.

Anyway, the capper was seeing NoNick match with me on OKCupid. If you are really lucky--or maybe unlucky--I just might share the link. It's a skoshe frightening. The worse part is that he's one of the more acceptable people I've seen on there. I seem to have run through the more acceptable people who would date me.

Also. . .I'm taking some me time out. I'm trying to get back to the me I really am, rather than the me I was trying to be for the last number of years. I had my tarot cards read on Monday night (by the wife of someone I "met" at the online dating site, no less, and you know that has got to be a blog post in itself). And no, the reading wasn't vague, it was a pretty direct hit. Enough to make me sit back and go "hmmmm."

I went back and transcribed it afterwards, so here's what it is:

I get the Sage, and here he's a stern judeo christian sort of god, big guy on throne. Part of what you're struggling with is images of masculine, masculine deity, deity, big cultural broad issues & the way they impact you on a personal level. So this is like dad, exes, all the bigger than life badness in your head. All of that is getting in your way--he looks very judgmental, very stern, and it's all getting in the way of being the creative, deply feeling loved and cherished person that you are and it blocks your intuition, being able to see your way through.

So from me, the assignment is to deal with dad stuff, god stuff, and find a slightly kinder image of masculinity to replace some of the sterness and judgment in your head.

So. Hmmm. Now I'm not going to get all woo woo or heinie shaking or anything. But here is a relative stranger calling me out on losing my sensitiveness. And, dammit, I'm supposed to be the sensitive one.

I need to find that part of me.

I think I saw her last around 2002.

From the date last Wednesday:

For obvious reasons, not Facebookable.

Him: You are beautiful.

Me: Thank you. But I have to point out that your eyes are closed.

Bottom of the barrell posting

I don't think anyone wants to read a blog detailing step by step of my reentry into the world of romance, but that seems to be the most interesting thing that has happened to me recently. Short Guy has dropped off of the radar, taking the Dar "Mortal City" CD with him. (snarl) Fabio cooked dinner for me at his house last Sunday; I'm cooking dinner for him on Wednesday. That's the short version.

I'm not really sure the long version needs to get into the blog. I need to have the kids back to get some more blogworthy things to say.

Let's talk about dating, shall we?

Because in the land of the dating for entertainment rather than for love, things change. You miss a moment, you miss a lot. When last we talked, I was giving up on Piano Guy, enjoying the view with Fabio, poking fun at Hand Me Down Guy long distance, and being somewhat humored in all of this by Good for Me Guy.

Wow, maybe you didn't miss all that much?

I did go out with Piano Guy again, but he still has the Dar CD. I haven't heard from him in a week, so I emailed him and said "I don't mean to be the internet stalker chick you can't shake, but I'd really like my CD back. Let me know what works for you." In just about those very words. In fact, now that I check my sent mail, in those exact very words. He did take me to see the Star Trek movie, which was good. But you would think that after 3 dates, we'd be having an intense conversation about the paradoxes of time travel or something after that movie.

Fabio. This guy is around for a reason. We sit down to talk and hours rush by. Plus, he's a good kisser. We went out again last Sunday night, hung out at Piedmont Park (I had forgotten how cool Piedmont Park really is, and I brought the kids back there tonight.) And the conversations that the Star Trek movie provoked, I had with him. I'm actually a bit startled that someone who looks the way he does has quite the smarts and sensibilities he does. Yes, I'm judgey that way. So we had a 5 hour date for the coffee, and then a 5 hour date last weekend. And this Sunday he is cooking me dinner at his very own house. Sweet magic pumpkins, I am crushing very hard on this guy. He's very intense. Like a fire in the circus.

Otherwise, nothing has changed. Although I did wonder at NoNick taking the kids for 3.5 hours today and calling it his Father's Day celebration. (eyeroll)

My Dance Card Is Full. Or Not.

Right now I have several Men in my life. Let us review, shall we?

1. Piano Guy. Piano Guy has made it to two dates and has had some hanky panky. And been very sweet both before and after, and made sure that I was okay, and specifically said that he didn't want me to freak out, because sometimes us wimmens, we do that freaking out thing, and he said that he really wanted to see me again. In subsequent days, he made up reasons why he couldn't talk to me on the phone, but said he would call back later. After a couple of days of this, I sent him an email consisting of one word: "Seriously?" Since then, he's called me a couple of times, but hurried off the phone saying he would call me back later. I'm thinking this is a no-hoper. I'm only a little bit irritated because he has my Dar Williams Mortal City CD. Maybe on one of those awkward conversations, I can give him my address to mail it to me?

2. Fabio. Man, I wish it were kosher to put someone else's picture on my blog, because he is very much nice looking. We've had several extended email conversations as well as yahoo chats, but since I've had the kids since the very next day, subsequent dates must wait. He seems to be worth the time spent--anyone who makes me think, who tries to go deeper than the surface has my vote. Plus, he's Quite the Looker. I have told him this. He doesn't believe me.

There are also some others that I should mention.

1. Hand me down guy. I have a policy not to date my sister's discards. And trust me, it's always her that does the discarding, even if she didn't think so at the time. But this fellow is one that she didn't exactly date, and when he heard that I was single, he was interested. Very. Very. Briefly. In fact, just long enough for me to have a discussion with my sister about Would This Be Weird, and if so, would it be worth it. Once I had that discussion, he lost interest. Which is fine, since it does fit with my policy. I only mention him here because I'd already settled on a nickname for him, and it seems a pity to waste it.

2. Good for me guy. This is someone who has been a major support for me over the last year, but there are several buts. One of which is that he reads this blog (hi there!), so I do not want to dissect that relationship here. Or there. Or anywhere, really. Let's just say that on my trip from there to here, he's put up with more than a little of the wimmen type freak out, and is still my friend.

So, really, as far as "dating" goes. . .I had 7 contacts from the dating web site, but only two of them had more than a little mutual interest. (Not counting little Israeli guy, who has gone back home to Israel, but who probably thinks I am insane.) Piano guy is in the process of falling by the wayside, and Fabio has yet to have a second date. Or really a first, since we started with the coffee.

Second dates and Krispy Kreme donuts

They are sort of the gateway date. You know, because after the second date, you have to figure out what you're doing. And why. And is there a destination? So you have to have the DTR talk and get the forms signed in triplicate to get the deal hammered out. . .what, you aren't like that? I am. It must be so much fun to date me.

The second date was good and fun. Except now he thinks we're dating, which could mean that he thinks we're Dating. And he might be. . .but I am not. He's a fun guy, and certainly not meh, and we're going to do our best to keep this blog at PG13 at the highest so other details might be given on a "Need to Know" basis. But in a nutshell, that is where things stand with Piano Guy.

Thursday, I had the Best. Coffee. Evah. With the one who shall be known as Cute Guy. Because he is just scrumptious. On the youngish side, I think he's 37, but pretty wise for his age. And did I mention that he looks like a guy on the cover of a trashy historical novel? He is Quite the Looker. Now I am torn, should his nickname be Cute Guy or Quite the Looker? The reason that this coffee was the Best. Coffee. Evah. was not for the company, it was the location. Krispy Kreme donuts. I was very restrained and only at 3 of the half-dozen we bought. I did need to tell him that he needed to start eating or I would eat them all. We sat there and talked for four hours. And there was some kissing. Grin.